Jumpshot, Slapshot--NHL and NBA Roundups

Here we go.

NHL

Eastern Conference

Philadelphia: Flying, but issued warning after those hits. The city of brotherly love, this is not.

New York Rangers: Hey, you beat the Islanders what, one out of three? Four? so far?

New Jersey Devils: EIGHT STRAIGHT! I love this, I am once again proud to be a Devils' fan!

NY Islanders: Better than fourth place, but they have to start scoring to prove it.

Pittsburgh: Same ole' same ole, huh?


Ottawa: Learning the hard way, it's not how you start that matters.

Boston: What the heck are these guys doing here? Did they get an SI cover or something?

Montreal: Come on, back to the top where you belong!

Toronto: What's this, a win?

Buffalo: Umm, yeah. I know you play in the frozen wasteland of Upstate NY, but come on now...


Carolina: Better than the Panthers (the football ones)

Atlanta: Can you please decide if you're going to be good or bad?

Tampa Bay: Stick to football. Or possibly baseball. (Did I really just say that?)

Florida: Normally it'd be a roar, but right now it seems like a meow.

Washington: RIP Sean Taylor. The 'Skins played with some heart, would be nice for the Caps to do the same thing.


Western Conference

Detroit: Carry on.

St. Louis: See above.

Columbus: Out of the cellar I like.

Chicago: Not your year, is it?

Nashville: Stick to the Winter Meetings. Or something.


Vancouver: Putting together a nice string...7-2-1 in last 10.

Minnesota: Something to detract from the Johan Santana blubber.

Colorado: Not the Avs of old.

Edmonton: Guess you kind of miss Gretzky, huh?

Calgary: League's biggest disappointment thus far?


Dallas: Much better.

San Jose: Well, as long as you're swimming and not sinking...

Anaheim: Still got a lot of work to do.

Phoenix: Again, not in last place.

LA Kings: Well, I never really saw LA as a hockey town...



NBA

Eastern Conference

Boston: Orlando's better.

Toronto: Well, at least one Toronto team lives up to expectations.

New Jersey: Not as good as their record. Please get better, Nenad Kristic! Still though, not New York.

New York: A joke at this point.

Philadelphia: Well, at least they aren't defying expectations.


Detroit: Carry on. (Detroit is apparently King of Winter Sports).

Indiana: Exceeding expectations.

Milwaukee: See above.

Cleveland: In deep shitake mushrooms without LBJ.

Chicago: This was once Jordan's team?


Orlando: Better than Boston.

Washington: Treading water.

Atlanta: Performing below expectations.

Charlotte: Carolina fans are best off sticking to hockey.

Miami: *point and laugh*


Western Conference:

Utah: Get the road record up, and then we'll talk.

Denver: Have I mentioned 'Melo yet?

Portland: When a 6-12 team is in third place...umm...

Seattle: Ah. That's why.

Minnesota: Stick to hockey and Santana.


Phoenix: Well, at least Phoenix has one viable sports team

LA Lakers: No Kobe trade? Eh.

Golden State: Won't be surprised to see these guys make the playoffs.

Sacramento: Once upon a time, these guys were good.

LA Clippers: These guys, not so much.


San Antonio: Would find a way to beat both the Celtics and Magic combined.

New Orleans: See Phoenix.

Dallas: Stick to football. Or hockey.

Houston: Still waiting for Year of the Yao.

Memphis: Stick to the Winter Meetings.



I am exhausted, and I still have finals to go. It's been an intense week, to say the least.