Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Swish! (NHL and NBA Roundup, Week 5 and Week 2)

First, the guys on skates!


Eastern Conference

New York Islanders: Still thinking it's the 1980s. Which is kind of scary.

Philadelphia Flyers: I have no brotherly love for them, but I am impressed as to what they've done. Lindros is supposed to announce his retirement soon...he was as tough as they came.

Pittsburgh Penguins: C'mon guys, you gotta beat Philadelphia for me!

New York Rangers: Well, going 5-1 in six tends to help your place in the standings, but the Devils SO should have beaten you!

New Jersey Devils: Dude, guys, you aren't the NY Jets, so stop playing like it. Understand?

Ottawa Senators: Thirteen and one? What are you guys smoking and can I PLEASE have some?

Montreal Canadians: A Canadian team is one of the elite in the East. I am down with that.

Boston Bruins: So eventually we're going to have to figure out if it's just the Pats and Sox and Celtics rubbing off on you, or if there really is something to the third place...

Toronto Maple Leafs: Parlez-vous francais?

Buffalo Sabres: Okay, now that it's officially @#$@#$ freezing in upstate NY, d'ya think maybe you might be able to start winning some games?

Carolina Hurricanes: Heh, this Carolina team can actually beat Phoenix.

Florida Panthers: Guess it's too much for Florida to have one .500 team, and no, the Jacksonville Jaguars don't count...(Okay, so maybe the Bucs are better than I thought but my point still remains).

Atlanta Thrashers: All the way up to third...I'm slightly worried that the Devils are still in last, then!

Tampa Bay Lightning: Dude. WTF?

Washington Capitals: You're disappointing my cousin.

Western Conference:

Detroit Red Wings: Sorry, 11-2 isn't 13-1!

Columbus Blue Jackets: Taking my advice, I LOVE it.

St. Louis Blues: Keep singing.

Nashville Predators: Not in last any more, be proud!

Chicago Blackhawks: Normally I'd tell people, hey, you got the Bulls...but, in this case, all I can say is, sorry man. Tough luck.

Minnesota Wild: It'll be really awesome to see these guys win a Cup some day, and it's going to be sooner rather than later.

Colorado Avalanche: Making a move. Guess it finally got cold out there as well.

Calgary Flames: Western Canada just isn't up to the level of Eastern Canada, which is weird, because in the US the West owns the East--athletically speaking, and narrowed to basketball and hockey, at any rate.

Vancouver Canucks: See above.

Edmonton Oilers: No words, just a shake of my head.

San Jose Sharks: Like the Red Wings, I can pen you in here.

Los Angeles Kings: WTF are you doing up here?

Dallas Stars: Yeah, I am so suing for false advertising. If you say you're gonna shave ice, well, shave it!

Anaheim Mighty Ducks: There's no written rule that teams can't win the Cup two years in a row, so why are you acting like it?

Phoenix Coyotes: Go watch the Suns.


Eastern Conference

Boston Celtics: We all knew it was gonna happen. Get back to me when you pul an Ottawa Senators.

New Jersey Nets: 3-1 and still with a negative point differential? Color me 'so not a fan of Toronto'.

New York Knicks: Two wins already? Color me impressed! Though, uh, in the future you might want to play a little defense.

Toronto Raptors: I still think it's weird you're in this division.

Philadelphia 76rs: Being labeled the only Eastern Conference team a certainty not to make the playoffs? OUCH!

Indiana Pacers: Welcome back to the top of the division.

Detroit Pistons: Doing better than Cleveland, you must be happy!

Milwaukee Bucks: I still don't think I know a single player on your team, sorry.

Cleveland Cavaliers: Huh? Didn't you like win the East last year?

Chicago Bulls: 0-4? Dang. Even the Jets didn't go 0-4. Though I guess the Dolphins and the Rams did...

Orlando Magic: Say hi to my brother for me. Which is a fancy way of saying that I really know nothing about your team, except you once eliminated the Nets from playoff contention.

Charlotte Bobcats: Last night's lost is going to sting, so it's a good thing you've already got some wins.

Atlanta Hawks: Thanks for letting the Nets beat you last night =D

Washington Wizards: Okay, the goal of the game is to win. 'Skins won't be playing in January. Trust me.

Miami Heat: ...Can it be possible for a city to go winless in two sports? That'd be...uhh...interesting...

Western Conference

Denver Nuggets: MELO!!!!

Utah Jazz: See my entry for St. Louis Blues.

Portland Trail Blazers: See my entry for Washington Wizards.

Minnesota Timberwolves: See my entry for Washington Wizards.

Seattle Supersonics: See my entry for Chicago Bulls. Also, not a good idea to announce a move to OKC while being winless.

LA Clippers: So the question is, how long can you remain THE team in LA?

Phoenix Suns: I imagine basketball is somewhat more popular in the desert than hockey.

LA Lakers: Trade Kobe already, okay?

Sacramento Kings: Well, one win is still one win.

Golden State Warriors: See entry for Chicago Bulls. Also, weren't you guys like actually good last year?

New Orleans Hornets: I am impressed, but seriously, what are they doing in the West? If you're east of the Gulf, you're EASTERN!

Houston Rockets: Yao, these guys are good. Sorry, that was my bad pun for the day.

Dallas Mavericks: 3-1 and third place? Damn, that's a good division.

San Antonio Spurs: See above.

Memphis Grizzlies: You guys got shafted. Sorry.


  1. New York Islanders: Still thinking it's the 1980s. Which is kind of scary.

    But if it was still the 1980's we could still chant "1940" for the Rangers and "1918" for the Red Sox. That would be fun.

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