Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Jumpball and Shootout (NHL and NBA Roundup, weeks 4 and 1)

Terry Francona will be the manager of the AL All Star Team at Yankee Stadium.


First off, we go with the guys on skates. Call it seniority, they've been playing longer.

Eastern Conference

Philadelphia Flyers: The winning? Good. The hitting? Bad. The color scheme? Ugly.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Wasn't too long ago that these guys were basement dwellers. Good to see them doing well for a change.

NY Islanders: Okay, dude, Islanders, I know you get the least coverage of the NY/NJ teams (well, at least in Jersey), but c'mon. Stop showing the rest of us up!

NY Rangers: Apparently they've finally realized that winning games is a good thing. That, or that they're probably the only team capable of winning say, oh, more than 20 games in the Garden this winter.

NJ Devils: Dude, guys, you're playing at home, it's okay, you can win now. Please?

Ottawa Senators: Officially dubbing them the TEAM TO BEAT in the East.

Montreal Canadians: Just because you make it to Overtime doesn't mean it's okay to start losing.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Back up to .500, well done.

Boston Bruins: Still above .500, but probably the team in Boston no one cares about right now...

Buffalo Sabres: C'mon guys, you need to give Buffalo fans something to cheer about!

Carolina Hurricanes: I won't lie. It amuses me greatly that the sports team with the greatest success in the Carolinas is the hockey team.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Winning at home? Excellent. Not a single win on the road? Not so good. Even the Devils got three wins on the road.

Washington Capitals: Take a lesson from the Devils. You do eventually need more than just a goalie to win games.

Florida Panthers: What is it with Florida and losing sports teams?

Atlanta Thrashers: S--t. They now have more wins than the Devils. Good news, though, they still have more losses.

Western Conference

Detroit Red Wings: Why do they even bother playing the season? Just have them lace up in April, and all will be well. Detroit is hockey, and if it's not it pretty well should be.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Dude! You took my advice! SWEET!

St. Louis Blues: Keep it up and you'll play a few more games in April.

Chicago Blackhawks: Don't worry, the Bulls are going to start playing tonight, they'll put you out of your misery.

Nashville Predators: Well, there's still the Titans. For now,.

Minnesota Wild: Good. Better than Ottawa? Not yet. Could they be before season's end? Yes. Team to Beat in the West? Not while Detroit's still doing their thing, but certainly up there.

Calgary Flames: Finally realized it's hockey season, eh huh?

Colorado Avalanche: Sorry about the Rockies, guys. Don't worry, the Nuggets have 'Melo.

Vancouver Canucks: Winning on the road is good. Losing at home? That's both bad AND ugly.

Edmonton Oilers: I thought you guys played for the Cup in 2006? What happened?

San Jose Sharks: Well, if you've got 29 goals scored and 29 goals scored against, I guess that means you're the epitome of a .500 team. So why are you in first?

Los Angeles Kings: I thought you guys were supposed to be bad, is this a Halloween trick?

Dallas Stars: You disappoint me. Such a great advertising campaign, and you, so far, have failed to live up to it...

Anaheim Mighty Ducks: *insert lame A-Rod joke here*

Phoenix Coyotes: Should we start writing their team in fifth place with permanent markers?

And now, the NBA:

Eastern Conference

Toronto Raptors: You guys really miss Vince, don't you? I stayed at the Plaza hotel one night in NYC, and you guys were spending the night there, Carter's rookie season, but my dad wouldn't let me wait to get Vince's autograph.

Philadelphia 76ers: My brother's friend David, a 76ers fan, has this to say: "the 2007-2008 76ers will struggle to win 30 games and will be lottery bound."

Boston Celtics: Easily the most improved team in the East, but with everyone in Beantown still oogling over the Sox, the Patriots and BC, who will notice the guys in green before, say, February?

New York Knicks: Let me point and laugh. Every day you don't fire Isaiah is a day I laugh a little bit more.

New Jersey Nets: My team, and I mean my team. I followed this team back in 1998 and the lockout season of 99, and through all those baaaad years, so now that this team can win games on occasion, I feel that much more pride. Kidd, Vince and Jefferson are gold if they're healthy, and Kristic finally is!

Milwaukee Bucks: I know nothing about them, except that Sam Cassell once played there. The Packers are more entertaining for now.

Indiana Pacers: They miss Reggie, don't they? Maybe he'll come back and coach some day?

Chicago Bulls: Well, we all know they miss Michael, but at least now they seem to have finally, for certain, gotten over it.

Detroit Pistons: Hopefully last year's conference finals loss will put an end to that whole arrogant streak. Yeah, last year Cleveland owned Detroit...

Cleveland Cavaliers: Made it to the finals last year, a great step, easily the best of the east, but now they need to be better than the West. And King James rules.

Miami Heat: If you're a Heat fan, you better start praying the preseason wasn't a forerunner of the season...

Charlotte Bobcats: I know nothing about this team, sorry, but it is still an expansion team, right?

Washington Wizards: Using Harry Potter as a mascot? Good. Using Albus Dumbledore? Might ruffle a few feathers. Of course, I don't imagine they're using either, but it'd be a brilliant marketing strategy...

Atlanta Hawks: What is it with Atlanta and teams named for different types of birds?

Orlando Magic: See entry on Wizards.

Western Conference

Utah Jazz: Ascribing to the 'play game, win game' philosophy so far. For one game.

Seattle Sonics: Whoever correctly predicts where this team plays next year gets a present.

Denver Nuggets: 'Melo!!!!!! Seriously, the guy was amazing for Syracuse, and is STILL amazing. He donated enough for us to have a new athletic facility, and is more or less like a campus g-d.

Minnesota Timberwolves: No KG? Why am I gonna bother to watch?

Portland Trailblazers: Almost feel bad for them, because nothing seems to go right...

Phoenix Suns: Heh, I just remember a game when the Nets scored 75 against them in the first half.

Sacramento Kings: Don't know anything about them--don't even know if Webber's still playing. Still, they're better kings than the ones in LA.

LA Clippers: That "other" team in LA. If you think the Mets/Islanders have it bad in New York...

Golden State Warriors: Does Cinderella become an ugly stepsister this year?

LA Lakers: Jackson is the Zen master, but apparently he can't Zen Kobe. Oops?

San Antonio Spurs: Best team in the NBA, a true dynasty. I don't know if that should bother me, but it doesn't. Tremendous respect for the team.

Houston Rockets: Any time I think of this team I think of Yao.

New Orleans Hornets: First full season back in New Orleans, wishing nothing but luck for them. However, what, exactly, they're doing in the Western Conference I'm not sure I understand.

Dallas Mavericks: They'll be fine in the season, but what, exactly they do in the Postseason is still up for grabs.

Memphis Grizzlies: Know nothing about them, and I'm tired and don't feel like looking. Win a few games, guys, and I will.

Heard Joe Girardi on the Michael Kay radio show and loved what I heard. 2008 is gonna be great.


  1. Hey! There's really not much that you need to know about our Grizzlies. Just that we have Pau Gasol and little else. We probably won't make much of an impact. By the way, if you get a chance, look at the NFL schedule. Look at who the Jets play on December 23rd, it looks like we might have some fun that week!!

  2. J-Dawg: Ahhh, that'd be a fun week =D

    I think Hakim Warrick plays for the Grizzlies as well?

  3. Yeah, we've got Hakim and former UConn Husky Rudy Gay. Two terrific athletes who are well suited for an up-tempo game. The future looks pretty good, but the Grizz have a ways to go.

    I thought that you might like the December 23rd game! By the way, Happy Halloween!!

  4. Whoa! Hakim and Rudy on the same team, and they get along?

    (Syracuse and UConn are ohsobitter rivals!)

  5. Why do I always miss Joe G talking? BOOOOOOOOO

    I was Paul O'Neill for halloween today. There were no water coolers at work, but I threw a soda bottle on the ground. Luckily I work with a lot of Yankee fans (a LOT. Someone has WFAN on at his desk and yells out news as it comes. Literally yells. from his cubicle. as he sees fit). Someone came as a generic costumed baseball player (Just a jersey that said Chicago on the back) so we had a skit. It was fun.

  6. Good defense by the Atlanta Hawks drama boys, if only we could patch up the difference, this will be a Atlanta good season. They are running, switching in defense, rebounding see those efforts. We don't have yet the Hawks team down.

    I which I could see some Hawks games live. I was looking for tickets all the good seats on ticketmaster were taken I had to check broker. And man you don’t want to do that espaciallyn for the Atlanta Hawks. Thanks god there sites like Ticketwood which work as comparators here is the site
    Hawks tickets

    I like slam dunks that take me to the
    hoop my favorite play is the ally-hoop,
    I like the pic n roll,i like the given goal its basketball yo, yo lets go!
    Go Hawks Go!!!